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  • Dea Devidas

Heart determination

Chalk hands twist to grab on fire. You hold the strength in your hands. It helps you act well in spite of fear. This fire reminds us to be empathetic firstly to ourselves to stand tall and walk on to realize our goals. We can unveil this power from within the genes of our DNA core.

The process is bittersweet because it is as much blissful as it can be intensely sickening. This phase of the Fool’s Path is crucial because our conscious mind will start to drown a little. The tide will wash away all the stored karma. If you eat ice cream too fast, you're bound to get a slight brain freeze, a dull ice cream headache. These energies of locked down memories are embedded in our very being. These are the experiences we went through in the most horrific of times, our biggest bloody battles, and inflicted scars. We have felt betrayal and disappointments, even experienced gruesome conflicts. Through all our attempts and efforts, we gave away parts of ourselves, like checkpoints of all our losses. All the choices you've made led you to this very moment. Sometimes it looked like history was repeating itself, but there were lessons learned along with a few broken ribs and open wounds. A wound stands like a door. The door of progress and personal transformations, like the wheel of change. Naturally, because we want to clean and heal the wound. Now, more than ever is the right time to specifically focus your energy to release it and let go of the deepest vibrational cuts and bruises. The ones of a shattered Mars. (it's always a good time, but now you are finally energetically supported to withstand the intensity) The sword pierces through your soft skin, but there's a small shard left inside. It creates a broken and wounded instinct. From an astrological perspective, this is an example of a weak Mars. Of course, I can hear you saying: How can an instinct be broken? You can't possibly take away Superman’s powers! True, but have you ever heard of a magnificent little green rock, called kryptonite? Everyone's got a soft spot, remember Achilles. It most definitely can. Here’s an example, a woman is in a high stake situation. To run away from a rapist! The problem is, he's bigger and a lot stronger than she is, and she simply can't do anything. She feels freaking stuck - at that moment, the Instinct nudges and screams from the top of the lounges: run! Now, as fast as you can. Like you are Ms. Flash, the Fastest Woman on earth! In the end, and so, unfortunately, she didn't run, she wasn't fast at all, she stayed, and she got raped. Someone who’s living with their parents may feel the same way. A home is a place where we are safe and secure. When we are very young, we blindly trust our mothers and fathers. If our parents start sending out “even a slight note” of a vibration that corresponds to a psychological or energetic frequency of violence. Through actions, thoughts, and unconscious behavior, we can pick up on it. It seems that at home, we are at peace, but with enough vibration and time, sometimes as you carry that name, blood turns thinner than water. Without even knowing it, they have unconsciously cut us down and injured our instincts. And so on and on, it goes like a carousel. The healthy, mature, and keen instinct astronomically represents Mars, also known as the warrior, and in Tarot cards is evident through the fives. These are all karmic ties related to Mars. Looking at the soul level, it is when we walk the path as courageous spiritual warriors, (this is because Mars, more specifically The Tower card is also known as Tarot’s House of God - more here) which represents the most positive possible force within us that has the madness of yelling: THIS IS SPARTA! Just kick the opponent in the pit and watch him fall down and swallowed by darkness. It holds power to bring back law and order (not the tv show!) and align the universe once again. This is the energy that comes from a well developed and healthy instinct. When pushed or triggered, goes completely mad and bezirk.To grab onto the chance to crush everything in their wake in the name of order and balance. Like a warrior, it will defend its own. If you push her, she'll challenge you by making a sharp blow that instantly changes the positions by making a secret move that shifts the power balance. A counter-attack you never saw coming that knocks you off your feet. In this process, when we say it's the act of cleansing the multiple points of shift. We think of all the moments in existence related to the psyche. A psychological point, when the system starts turning and twisting, like a turning wheel, the yin moves into yang, and from that movement, a new sense of balance is created.

The balance comes into play, by destroying (Tower=Mars) of the old. The rotten, rigid, and demolished pieces of ourselves. Once, these parts held great beauty but now after years of usage and playing the same old record in service of the ego over and over again. The song has lost its melody, and everything around it has rusted. It's old and has even become dangerous. It's a threat to ourselves; no matter how much Mr. Ego may look at it with the old illusion of how it once was, it is no more. The song you love most, it's the ideal of beauty, meaning, and perfection. Listen to it 24/7 and 7 days a week. Trust me, after a month or two, it won't be so perfect anymore, it's going to be a screeching and annoying scream, maybe it's a good thing to find a new song to freshen up your music library. This is why I never put a favorite song as my alarm clock ringtone; eventually, you start really hating it. Don't smash your phone up against the wall, just erase the damn song already! The Tower’s (Mars, instinct) function is one of pure enjoyment and no compromise. He doesn’t mind seeing the Ego tremble and crumbles down. I like to imagine the Tower being a sadistic person having a small drink as he watches the Ego self-destruct. Like a time bomb, about to blow in a matter of seconds. Oooops, who knew that would happen? This is why sexuality, if approached, openly and healthily, can heal even the deepest of psychological wounds. On the other hand, sports & recreation act as a perfect tool for balancing out the mind, so it doesn't crack like a firecracker. Unless you wanna give a match to a monkey, in that case, fire away! NO. Don't ever do that. I figure it's like the coyote chasing the roadrunner. You never can find a way to catch the damn thing - beep, beep! She’s gone to the wind. Somehow, no matter the chase or the circumstance, we destroy ourselves. With a TNT bomb or a misfired rocket, you just can’t help it, it’s bound to go wrong.

What I’m saying is, the crumbling and destruction of the tower can be severe, sudden, and unpleasant. This is why all these destructions are not a joyful play for the ego, also known as Mars experiences or XP points. He is the God of war for a reason. (The 5's of the Tarot speak to this). The Mars XP points we’ve gathered throughout time through fights and conflicts. When you felt your soul will be ripped apart in the constant blows of the attacks from your opponents. The enemies who were coming from all sides, suffocating your last breath. At that moment, you lost all hope for the most cherished values and ideals of your fallen dreams. With all the encountered disappointments of your heart. All the reincarnated live where we experienced betrayals, witnessed or been apart of inflicting traumas. Through plotting conspiracies behind enemy lines as a spy or been a victim of the evil seed planted through manipulation and intrigue. In the end, no matter the experience, we have been forced to leave it or had lost it all. No home left to come back to, no one we can trust or seek for help or guidance. We have been suddenly cut as they were slowly smiling as we feel to the depths of the unknown by being banished from our place of origin, from our homeland. Sometimes, when you find yourself in such a sticky situation of intense moments, you are bound to overcome the toughest of lessons in all of the lifetimes put together, in all your history. Sometimes glorious but mostly bloody ones, are the toughest of lessons to learn. Thanks to that history, your DNA and aura carry today the powerful vibration of what it means to persevere and survive. The dark side of the moon also vibrates and resonates upon all the inflicted wounds once opened a long time ago in a distant and forgotten place, reminding us that we may have left the front door open. These are the wounds that make us doubt our worth and of ever finding happiness. Though these doubts happen subconsciously, it doesn't mean we don't feel it in any way less. It's still a sharp knife, no matter how you use it for. You can feel the doubt seeping in when we start criticizing ourselves or disregarding love as if it doesn't exist. In those moments, we are afraid to express our real feeling and deepest desires. Among other things, in this case, the brain patterns hold high power over us because of the pain and the choices made by the God of war. The decisions we’ve made back then, forged in battle in those states of being. From the choice of pain, pick joy and wonder... It's the decision we would make on our deathbed - it has the power to influence and carry on to the next life. In the process of living from a painful place, we become more open and in a sense, more vulnerable than we have ever been before. Like, having flashbacks of how we felt injured and cut open. Like we were crawling on our knees. In that moment of origin, when it happened, we decided that we will never love again. Accepted, there isn’t a single person out there who we could ever connect with and trust ourselves with. Maybe it wasn't exactly this, but it feels like something familiar to this like the world ended, and you’re here, the last living human on earth. There is a chance, the decision you’ve made then is still valid today. Most definitely, it is always radiating and floating around in your mind. Like the effects of a nuclear bomb, the left residue is still affecting us and changing us. Though we may not see it or understand it. Clearly, it still has a hold over us, slowly burning in our conscious minds. It’s time to perform a twisting maneuver. It's like a power shift in the force, from Yoda to Obi-Wan. It's a road to a new kind of balance with a brave heart to manage this sharp turn because a change doesn't happen overnight. It is triggered by the present Mars aspect of Cancer. Mars stands as a symbol of instinct and determination, while Cancer symbolizes the power of pure intuition and the voice of your healthy beating heart. Intuition, as we all know, is more associated with the elemental air aspect of our inner knowledge and wisdom, while instinct is a more physical and earthy kind. Each rule and exists in its own court and universe, but they are not so much far apart, they are closer than you think. Now the time has come to unite these sacred principles because they can open doors with incredible ease into the impossible depths of lost shattered weapons still left deep within us, the wounds pulsating and waiting to be healed. They were made in the name of some holy crusade and possible heist, God knows when, how many times, and how long ago.

The astrological sign of Cancer is represented in Tarot as the Chariot. It's that vicious warrior, more specifically Queen Warrior. No matter how fragile, weak, or sensitive, she may feel. She may look to be scared or frightened. Courageously she rises and transcends her fears and decides to put on the golden armor made of pure blinding light and charge full force into battle. She doesn't wage in for fights and battles but for only one simple thing. For victory. As a character, you can think of Xena, the warrior princess that lives in all of us. As they say, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. A mighty princess forged in the heat of battle. It's the mother within us that is ready to fight and willing to protect its child, no matter the danger. The hell with it and any price, she knows what she needs to do, and no one is gonna get in her way. Mars is also the spiritual mother - Kali. Also known as Durga, meaning goddess. The ones that, without any compromise, take on the role of the ultimate destroyer of all demons. Now, comes the time to bring all the sacred elements into one place, one scripture: your consciousness. It is the point when you feel confident. You are safe and secure like a durable metallic construct guided by pure intuition and are ready to take a deep breath and dive into the darkness. To explore every rock and coral edge of the most sensitive parts of ourselves. You have the power to recognize all those decisions made from a place of tears and pain when the edge pierced us right into the heart. Time to let the light in. To remind ourselves, the sun is still shining, even on rainy days. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. Now, we can finally go beyond the clouds to consciously transcend them and leave them far behind. Remember all the webbings of thoughts and memories you’ve gone through. Like waiting for a thousand swords to come flying right at you like a puppet. Piercing you from all directions and crashing into you while you were chained into place. These thoughts we all carry of crushing disappointments that surfaced through pain and misery. The sands of time were repeatedly turning on us, the cycle was repeating through harassments, frustrations by losing every part of ourselves and through a million ways to die. We didn't see a possible way of ever breaking this vicious cycle, but there is. Now, there is an emerging path we can take to go beyond the clouds, to bring light to the deepest and darkest places of ourselves to shine through in the brightest of days. Let’s Excavate, like an archeologist seeking for that lost treasure, you’re the tomb raider, so break-in and reclaim what is rightfully yours! Find and extract the wisdom you left in this tomb for your future self to find the great knowledge of waging wars. Read the incised lines of how to make the circles work and turn in a new way by counter-attacking. Change the game and create your unique kind of counter shift, and let go of the old and painful relics. Leave the past pain behind to die in the ancient deserted tomb. Take a moment for yourself. Grab a pen and a piece of paper to write down your discoveries. Every great historian and archaeologist needs to record his or her findings. Indiana Jones or Lara Croft, let us move on and begin the voyage to the center of the earth to reclaim ourselves. Every little piece matters, keep it and write it, later it will become clear how exactly it all comes together. To see, what are the thoughts that are still holding us back from happiness. What wreck is stopping us on the way from feeling genuinely content and satisfied and to choose happiness once more, again? In the end, breathe in the light, even when you feel you can't, through the cracks, into all our messy and broken down parts, let the sun shine through. Breathe and keep breathing in until you can see it all being turned to ashes until it disintegrates and it all floats to the surface to be cleaned away by the sunlight. In the end, you will come out stronger, brighter, wiser, and as pure as you dreamed yourself to be because now you are cleansed. Yes! Agree to all the new explorations and all the called up battles, because that is life and everything that makes it beautiful. Even the souls that have found freedom that has released themselves from samsara (the wheel of life, the constant cycle, and the motion of replaying the process of life and rebirth). Within the place of nirvana, they feel the urge and a calling to return back to the earth for the game itself. So they may tell their stories, so they can move and live on. No point of keeping a good book endlessly on a forgotten bookshelf, eaten by dust and vine. They wish to spread on the sacred texts that hold real knowledge and wisdom. Don't be afraid. In this phase, you may have moments when you feel walking on the edge of insanity from all this intensity. You may question if you should first blow your head off, open it, and dissect it or take 10 shots of tequila. Or both in the same damn time. Do not fear, this moment will pass. This is a sign of freed by releasing all these accumulated energies from your system. Watch them, breath into them. To be entirely grateful to the process. To be aware of all that is happening within and around me. I see my reflection smiling back at me.

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